No, You Can’t.

I saw a really masterful interaction between one of our parents and her 3 year old little boy when we were preparing for the May Fete Parade on Saturday. We were getting ready to transport our children’s wagon to the place where we were gathering for the parade after dropping off what we needed for the PIE carnival booth at Addison. Mom was going to drive me over and then return.

“I want to go with you, Mommy.”
“You can’t go with me. I don’t have your car seat. You’ll stay here with Daddy.”
“No Mommy, I want to go with you!”
“I know you do, but your car seat is not in my car.”
“I want to go with you.”
“I know you do, honey.”
A few moments of silence
“I want to go with you.”
“I know you do, but you can’t.”
“I want to.”
“I know.”

At this point, the child’s mother pointed out that her son could help his dad put together the canopy for our booth at the carnival. The child moved over to his dad and started helping.

Wow! Did she just do that without a temper tantrum erupting? She did! How come the child didn’t get flaming angry and create a total scene?

Here’s what I think.1) Mom was absolutely sure that her son could not go with her. There was no ambiguity about that. She did not doubt the reasonableness of that decision. 2) She as sympathetic about her son’s wishes. She empathized with his wanting to come with her. 3) There was no irritation or anger in her voice as she kept repeating her understanding of what he son was feeling and the fact that there was a firm limit. 4) She took the time to review the situation again and again with her son. 5) She came up with an interesting alternative to help her son move on.

A masterful piece of limit setting! All the elements were important. Maybe it doesn’t work every time. But this time it did. It was really wonderful to watch!